Before thinking about what you are going to do about a confict situation, it is important to take some time to clearly understand what’s going on and what your needs are.
Let’s have a look at Lucy’s story and see if we can identify the facts, the feelings and what’s really important for her. One way to start thinking about a conflict is to look at what has happened? Look at the information Lucy has and her interpretation of what has occurred.
It is useful to look at the information you have and try to distinguish between what has actually happened and your interpretation of what has occurred. Let’s consider the following questions:
(Remember: the lecturer or other people involved may interpret the same information differently based on their own particular personality and experiences.)
Next you could consider what are the feelings involved in the conflict.
It is useful to figure out how you are feeling when you are in conflict as it can help you understand what is really important to you. What you’re feeling and how strongly you’re feeling it may also influence the choices you make.
Sometimes people get focused on a particular outcome and don’t realise that it is not actually the most important thing to them. A useful question to ask yourself is “why do I want this particular outcome?”.
For example, Lucy wants a higher grade on her piece of assessment, but if we asked her to explain why she wanted that, she might have other reasons like:
We have put together a worksheet that you can use to get clearer about what’s going on? in your own conflict.