Before Jess decides how to deal with the situation with Anna, she needs to establish what is going on and what her priorities are. Let’s hear her perception of the situation.

1. What are the facts?
What does Jess actually know?
  • The photo has been published to Anna’s Facebook and she has been tagged in it
  • They are close friends and until now have gotten on really well
What has she assumed?
  • That Anna published the picture intentionally
  • That Anna won’t untag or remove the picture
What evidence does she have?
  • The photo online and the fact that she’s tagged
Could anyone else have other information that might change things?
  • Other people who were there when the photo was taken may have information that the photo was published by someone else or that she approved it at the time
  • The Facebook team – may be able to help her in the process of removing the photo
  • Anna would know who published it and why. This could be very informative
What is Jess feeling?
  • Embarrassed
  • Worried about friends, family and future colleagues seeing the post.
3. What’s really important?

What are Jess’ underlying reasons for wanting this situation to change? Sometimes people get focused on a particular outcome and don’t realise that it is not actually the most important thing to them. A useful question to ask yourself is “why do I want this particular outcome?”

For example, Jess may want Anna to take down the picture but if we asked her to explain why she wanted that, her reasons could be:

  • It’s embarrassing her
  • She feels worried about the reaction of her family and friends
  • She’s worried about the effect it may have on her future employment
  • She feels disrespected that Anna has posted something like this

If Jess takes some time to really think about what is important to her she will be able to make a better decision about what her options are.

We have put together a worksheet that you can use to get clearer about what’s going on in your own conflict.